The dinner party (Robert Walser, 1919)

It was a delightful dinner party. There was plenty of mustard, and the whole works was accompanied by the finest wine. The soup was admittedly a bit thick, and the fish contributed nothing to the entertainment, but no one took it a miss. Over the table poured sauces that put us in raptures, me more than anyone. I was fairly glowing, practically perished with pleasure. A downright tough, hearty roast ensured that our teeth were given a proper workout. I tucked right in. Among others things, a duck was served. The lady of the house kept laughing up her sleeve, and the servants sought to encourage us by clapping on the shoulders.

The cheese was also delectable. when we stood up, a cigar flew into each and every mouth, a cup of coffee into each and every hand. Every plate vanished the instant it was emptied. We waded up to our necks in witty conversation. The liqueur made us swim in a more beautiful age, and when a songstress performed, we were simply beside ourselves. After we’d recovered, a poet deeply moved us with his verses. At any rate, the beer kept night on flowing, and all and soundry enjoyed themselves.

One of the guests was frozen. All attemps to bring him to life were in vain. The ladie’s dresses were magnificent, they revealed quite a lot, thus leaving nothing to be desired. One man attracted attention by wearing a laurel wreath - no one begrudged him this. A second polemicized until he found himself alone, since no one was willing to put up with him. A pair of musicians played Mendelssohn, to which all affentively gave ear. Someone pulled off a great many shirt-fronts and collars and noses. The joke was a bit crude, but no one thought anything about it. The manager of a theatre fantasized about till-filling dramas, a publisher about epoch-making publications.

In Parting I slipped the butler a hundred-franc tip. He returned it with the remark that he was accustomed to better wages. I asked him to be content with less just this once. Outside a car awaited me, which then whisked me away, and so off I drove, and no doubt am still doing so this day.